Thursday, December 29, 2011

When All Hope Is Lost;

People say good things come to those who wait. I would honestly have to say that's a load of crap. I've been waiting for weeks. Waiting for something to happen, anything. What do I have? Jack SQUAT.

I've lost my friends, I hardly see my family, and I know this is purely my fault. I don't ever want to do anything anymore. I'm sick of doing everything and getting nothing in return. I would just love it if someone could prove that I'm not repulsive to be around, but the more I expect it, the more I know it won't happen.

I was doing so well. I was happy for the first time in a long time, and out of nowhere, now the only thing I feel is loneliness. That's it. I can't feel anything else anymore. I won't let myself, and I can't stop myself either. It's the only constant thing in my life lately. That sounds so pathetic, but it's the truth. I lose everything. Always.

Whether it be my pushing someone away, or them just walking out on me, I always lose. I wish I knew why I was like this. I wish I knew why people couldn't stand to be around me. I wish I could change. I wish, I wish, I wish. It seems like that's all I can do anymore, is wish, and lay here feeling sorry for myself.

Oh well, at least it's something I'm good at. God knows I'm terrible at everything else.

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