Monday, March 26, 2012

They Say That Things Change;

Everything around me is moving at a faster pace than I am. I'm doing my best to keep up but I feel like I'm dragging people behind. Two of my best friends just moved into their own apartment, one of them has a job that he loves, and she's even going out looking for one. What am I doing? Slacking off at the job I have now; Even if it is a small one, that's still not something I should be doing. So now it's time to stop.

I won't say I'm going to try. I won't say I can't do it, because I know I can. I've held out for this long, why back out now? This job has already opened up quite a few possibilities for me, emotionally more than anything. I honestly feel better than I have in months lately, (minus the time I spent being sick, that kind of messed things up a bit) and I'm going to do whatever it takes to continue the path I'm on now.

There's more than one reason I'm finally buckling down, one of which is the trip to Japan I plan to make before I'm 30. The other one, well, that one's still just something I'm debating on. I already feel like I've decided but I really wanna do more research and give it more thought before I make a solid decision. Now, if you don't mind me, I've got some sleep to catch up on.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Sleep-Deprived; Somewhat Maniacal Ranting:

Okay, so nobody in the house is awake except for me. I get to spend all day scrubbing walls. Let me tell you, my back is quite literally on fire right now. Granted, taking behavioral medication to complete these tasks may not be the best way to go about it, but lately I can't seem to focus on anything except for work, my friends, and my family. I'm honestly starting to think I'm in trouble, considering all the goals I had this year.

I do have a job, but not much of one. It's almost summertime and I haven't really lost any weight, it keeps fluctuating because I'm not on a proper diet. I have yet to even save up for an apartment, let alone a car. There are so many things I want to do and it feels like the harder I try, the slower progress is made. I have to fight myself just to get out of bed for work these days. If only I hadn't gotten sick... That ruined everything.

No worries. I just have to keep working, and keep doing what I can, because giving up is not the way to get things done. I'm thinking of making fliers hiring myself out to babysit/petsit or just do odd jobs. I need to get myself out there if I'm ever going to get somewhere. I'm terrified to work with people, mostly because I just don't trust anyone, unless they've proven themselves. I hate humanity. Unfortunately.

On a side note; I just wanna share with everyone how much better I've been. Work is going well, minus the few days I missed due to the 2-week long virus that ran around town. I've been ATTEMPTING to teach myself how to focus on one certain task, but there are days where I just don't know how... Family's good, better than we've been in a long time, I might add. Minus Sam and Eric moving yesterday, the friendships are pretty solid too. It's been a long time since I've actually been able to say that I am perfectly happy.

Another side note: To those of you whom I know will question this; I've decided against quitting smoking for the time being. Now, that said, I refuse to buy packs anymore. I've gotten fairly good at talking myself out of buying one. For now, I'm just going to be a light smoker. Getting rid of a crutch that's lasted almost 12 years
is no easy task, and with everything else going on right now, I can't focus enough to put my foot down...

I have issues and kinks to be solved and worked out, but generally, yeah. I'm happy. :)

Friday, March 2, 2012

It's The Little Things That Kill;

I've noticed quite a few things the last few weeks. While I still may not have money very often, my habit of using it all on useless junk has dissipated. I'm able to get more things done that I need to. I just don't feel like spending money on myself anymore. I have more important things to worry about.

I bought a new bus pass yesterday, reduced fair. Saving $15 a month for the next year, not counting how much I'll save from the trips to Tacoma and back. That kind of money adds up. Also, I haven't bought myself a pack of cigarettes in quite some time, so that's just adding even more to my savings.

Every penny I save, I think, "You're that much closer to Japan. It's only a matter of time." Pretty damn good inspiration if you ask me. What better way to save money than to use the one thing you know you want to do more than anything else on the planet? It's helping, a lot.

I have so many people to thank. My life is getting better, little by little. The more it does, the easier I can sit back and just let it happen. Even with me being sick, I'm still somewhat motivated to get things done. I'm also working on breaking my nail biting habit. It's a work in progress.