Sunday, March 18, 2012

Sleep-Deprived; Somewhat Maniacal Ranting:

Okay, so nobody in the house is awake except for me. I get to spend all day scrubbing walls. Let me tell you, my back is quite literally on fire right now. Granted, taking behavioral medication to complete these tasks may not be the best way to go about it, but lately I can't seem to focus on anything except for work, my friends, and my family. I'm honestly starting to think I'm in trouble, considering all the goals I had this year.

I do have a job, but not much of one. It's almost summertime and I haven't really lost any weight, it keeps fluctuating because I'm not on a proper diet. I have yet to even save up for an apartment, let alone a car. There are so many things I want to do and it feels like the harder I try, the slower progress is made. I have to fight myself just to get out of bed for work these days. If only I hadn't gotten sick... That ruined everything.

No worries. I just have to keep working, and keep doing what I can, because giving up is not the way to get things done. I'm thinking of making fliers hiring myself out to babysit/petsit or just do odd jobs. I need to get myself out there if I'm ever going to get somewhere. I'm terrified to work with people, mostly because I just don't trust anyone, unless they've proven themselves. I hate humanity. Unfortunately.

On a side note; I just wanna share with everyone how much better I've been. Work is going well, minus the few days I missed due to the 2-week long virus that ran around town. I've been ATTEMPTING to teach myself how to focus on one certain task, but there are days where I just don't know how... Family's good, better than we've been in a long time, I might add. Minus Sam and Eric moving yesterday, the friendships are pretty solid too. It's been a long time since I've actually been able to say that I am perfectly happy.

Another side note: To those of you whom I know will question this; I've decided against quitting smoking for the time being. Now, that said, I refuse to buy packs anymore. I've gotten fairly good at talking myself out of buying one. For now, I'm just going to be a light smoker. Getting rid of a crutch that's lasted almost 12 years
is no easy task, and with everything else going on right now, I can't focus enough to put my foot down...

I have issues and kinks to be solved and worked out, but generally, yeah. I'm happy. :)

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